Old Memories
by yowzahfiction
Summary: The 12th Doctor and Clara go back to The Library in the hope that they can save the 11th Doctor into the Data Core. (11xRiver & 12xRiver feels included) really hope you enjoy! Xx
1. Chapter 1

'Yes brilliant!'

The TARDIS doors burst open and the newly regenerated Doctor sauntered in, closely followed by his companion Clara.

'Brilliant! I hardly ever have days like this, I should have more days like this! Everyone saved and I defeated the Sontarons! They won't be bothering us for a while. And I'll tell you what Clara Oswald' he spun around to point at Clara who stood in the doorway with a small smile on her face. 'I am loving this new regeneration!'

Clara laughed and walked up to the console 'I guess I'm still getting used to it'

'Ooh I've just remembered. There's something I have to do!' The Doctor began to walk around the console pulling levers and pressing controls. He didn't fly the same as his previous self. There was less flailing and running around, this time he was slower and more relaxed when flying the TARDIS.

'Where are we going?' Clara leaned on the console watching him.

'Here, catch' he pulled something out of his inside pocket and tossed it to her which she caught in one hand. She looked down at the object in her hand. It was his old screwdriver. The one that belonged to this eleventh self. Clara stared at it in confusion.

'I don't understand. Why do you still have this? Didn't you get a new one?'

'Yes I did but I still need that one just one more time'

'Um, what for?'

He went over to her and took the screwdriver out of her hands.

'Look'

He clicked something open on the side of the screwdriver to reveal some green lights. Three of them had already gone out and the fourth light was flashing.

'Oh, cool. Um...what is it?'

'Its obvious isn't it?'

'Not really'

The Doctor rolled his eyes at her, a new habit of his that really bugged Clara more than anything else. 'This Clara, is my eleventh self'

'What?! That makes no sense!' Clara sighed grabbing the screwdriver off of him to get a better look at it. 'How can this be you'

'Before I regenerated I configured my the sonic so that it can contain my consciousness, which then got stored into my screwdriver as soon as I regenerated.'

'Wait, so he's in there? The old Doctor? He's inside the screwdriver and we can get him back?!' Clara grinned. She really missed her Doctor and although she got on with this new Doctor, she would still do anything for the old Doctor to come back.

'Well not really'

Clara's smile faded. 'Oh. So what are you going to do with it?'

She passed it back to him and he put it into his pocket.

'This!' He pulled one more control on the console and the TARDIS jolted.

'Where are we?'

The Doctor pulled on the bottom of his jacket before putting his hands behind his back.

'The Library'


	2. Chapter 2

The biggest library in the universe was buzzing with people talking, laughing and reading but there was one quiet room in the whole planet where nobody went. It was a very strange room as it was full of controls and computer monitors. An empty chair stood at the back of room. All was quiet until the sudden sound of roaring engines filled the room and a blue box materialised from thin air. Clara stepped out of the TARDIS and took in her surroundings.

'I vaguely remember being here before. I didn't go into this room but I remember coming to this planet when I was trying to save your tenth self. You still haven't explained why you brought us here-' Clara rolled her eyes as she realised she was talking to herself. Doctor had not yet some out of the TARDIS.

'Doctor?' She poked her head through the doors to see if he was coming. He stood quite still near the console, staring off into space. 'Coming?'

'Mmm? Yes yes sorry I just-' he answered halfheartedly and continued to stare at nothing. His thoughts seemed to be miles away.

'You okay?'

The Doctor grunted in reply and without saying a word he walked past her and out the doors. Clara sighed and followed him out.

'It looks the same, I thought it would be different. It's been years.' He stepped forward to pick up some handcuffs that had been strewn across the floor. He could remember everything so clearly. He remembered the horror of being cuffed to the wall, he remembered sitting there for hours afterwards with his mind deep in thought and he remembered shouting for Mr Lux to come and un-cuff him. But most of all he could remember her.

He looked up at the big empty chair that stood at the back of the room. His chest heaved in and out as he placed his hands on top of it. Oh this chair. He had nightmares about this chair.

Clara watched him closely. She had never seen this Doctor so emotional before. Obviously the chair was stirring some sort of memory that he had tried long and hard to forget. His expression looked so pained and he held a tight grip on the handcuffs.

'Doctor?'

He shuffled around so he could face her but he said nothing,

'Please explain'

He nodded and after a few deep breathes he began reply.

'Sorry Clara'

She said nothing, waiting for him to continue. The Doctor sighed. 'Do you remember Trenzalore?'

'Yes'

'So you remember River Song... er...my wife, River Song?'

Clara's face softened. She was beginning to understand.

'Well this is where she died. She sat in this chair and sacrificed herself so that everyone could live. So that _I_ could live. I didn't even know her at the time but her death was still enough to shatter my hearts. I knew then that one day, she would mean everything to me and I would come to love her. And I did' He smiled and looked down. He felt as though he was being stabbed on the inside.

'But she didn't die completely though. She came back. I met her in Vastra's conference call. She was on Trenzalore but you just couldn't see her.'

'No I could see her. I could see her the whole time'

Clara looked confused 'But then why didn't you speak to her?'

The Doctor sighed again and closed his eyes.

'Thats not important. The point is, she was there as a data ghost because I saved her into the library's core. Her living mind now lives in the data core, forever. That's why we're here now'

He set the handcuffs down on the chair and made his way to the other end of the room. Clara said nothing but followed him.

'Guess how I saved her?' He asked turning around to face her again.

Clara shook her head. 'I don't know'

'I stored her living consciousness before uploading her into the data core' he smiled and pulled the sonic out of his pocket to flash in front of Clara.

She gasped. 'You stored her in a sonic? Exactly the same as when you stored your eleventh regeneration!''

The Doctor nodded and clicked the side of the sonic open. Only one green light remained. 'Look Clara, we don't have long'

'I understand now!' Clara smiled. 'You're going to save your eleventh regeneration into the library data core!'


	3. Chapter 3

On the opposite wall to where the Doctor and Clara were standing, a tall pillar rotated around to face them. The front of the pillar had the face of a young girl with brown eyes. She smiled at them 'Hello Doctor'

'Why hello CAL! I didn't think you'd recognise me' the Doctor stepped forward closer to CAL, Clara however kept her distance. Something about the 'CAL' creeped her out.

'You're easily recognisable by your machine and besides, I wouldn't forget you, not after everything you've done for this planet and it's people'

'Ah well, It wasn't me that saved this planet, it was someone far more precious' he spoke slowly to hide his emotions.

Clara's heart ached for him. He always looked so sad at he thought of River. She remembered him being blurry-eyed and trembling when he came across her tombstone and yet he didn't even talk to her. Why? If he loved her so much and could see her the whole time, why ignore her?

The Doctor had started pacing the room with his hands behind his back, closely watched by CAL and Clara.

'Listen, I've come to ask a favour' he said after a moments pause.

'Of course Doctor, anything'

He nodded and continued to pace.

'I need to upload somebody to your data core. He may take up quite a bit of space but it really is important. Please CAL.' He stopped pacing and waited for her reply.

'Of course Doctor. Do whatever you have to do' and with that, the pillar rotated back to its original position and CAL's face was hidden again.

'Okay...' The Doctor checked the screwdriver again. The final green light was flashing. 'He's nearly gone, I must be quick!'

With trembling hands he plugged the screwdriver into the plug on the wall and waited. The green light faded as some kind of electrical energy came out of the screwdriver and into the wall. After a few minutes the electricity was gone and the Doctor withdrew his screwdriver.

They stood there in silence for a while staring at the wall as if waiting for something to happen. The Doctor's chest heaved in and out rapidly.

'Well then' he said after what felt like forever 'that's that.' He turned slowly and avoiding Clara's gaze, he started shuffling his way back to the TARDIS. Clara exhaled. Something wasn't right.

'Doctor wait!' He stopped but did not face her. 'Something's wrong. Why aren't you happy?'

'I am happy'

'Don't lie to me Doctor, I can tell when you lying. You're not happy.'

He turned slowly to face her. His face looked pained. Something was definitely wrong. When he didn't reply she continued. 'You just saved your old self into the data core. He can live forever! Isn't that a good thing?'

'Yes it is a good thing and now he can spend the rest of eternity with the woman he loves.' He practically spat the words out. Clara continued to stare at him.

'You still love her?'

The Doctor shook his head and pressed his hand again this forehead, obscuring his face from her.

'You do! You do love her!'

He pulled his hand down away from his face to reveal that his eyes were tearing up.

Clara gasped and placed a hand onto his shoulder. He was shaking now.

'Oh Doctor'

'Its fine, it's fine' he waved it away 'It doesn't matter anymore. Not now.'

'Of course it does'

'No! Clara it doesn't!' He moved away from her to stand in front of the chair at the other end of the room. 'It doesn't matter because she doesn't love me anyway. She never even met me. She loves him. The eleventh Doctor. Not me'

'He's you though!' Clara tried to protest but the Doctor wasn't listening to her.

'He's a data ghost. But you're right Clara. You're absolutely right. I do still love her. Which is why I have him given him to her. She wouldn't want me. She wants him. The man she fell in love with. Now they can be together forever and I can go back to being alone. It's for the best.'

Clara shook her head. She was not going to let this slide. 'She's your wife. If she met this you she would still love you'

He nodded slightly. 'That's true but a part of her will always prefer her Doctor'

He looked over at her. A single tear drop slide down her face. He laughed nervously.

'Oh don't worry about me Clara. I'll get over it. It's not the first time I've given up someone I love so they can be with someone better.'

His mind went back to when he stood on Bad Wolf bay, in a parallel universe a billion light years away. His hearts broke as he watched Rose kiss the metacrisis Doctor but he knew that they would be happier and they could be with each other forever. So knowing that it was for the best, he left the girl he had come to love. The same thing had happened with River only his feelings for her were much stronger.

'Ah' he rubbed his face to dry his eyes and sighed. 'Er Clara, could you wait in the TARDIS for a few minutes? I've just thought of something I can do'

Clara nodded and did as she was told leaving the Doctor alone. He put his hands behind his back and began to make his way to the centre of the planet.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a long walk to the library's centre. The planet had finally closed for the night and the last few people had been teleported back to their own planets. The Doctor stood at the top of the stairs staring down at the millions of books lying on the shelves. There sitting in the middle of an empty shelf lay a TARDIS blue journal with a sonic screwdriver resting on top. The Doctor ran down the stairs to it. He picked up the sonic and held it to his chest whilst he rested his over hand over the blue cover of the journal. Now that he was finally alone and he didn't have to hide anymore, he started to cry. He cried softly at first but his sobs came harder the more he thought of her. His precious, precious River.

When he travelled with Amy and Rory, there were times when he would feel alone. Whenever they went to a romantic planet or he saw Amy and Rory dancing in the console room together, he would think of River and how much he would love for her to be there with him. He lived for the days when he could visit her in prison or when she would show up unexpectedly with a smile on her face and her space hair falling over her shoulders and she would say 'Hello Sweetie'.

Then after Amy and Rory died, River picked up the pieces of his broken heart and put him back together. She was the reason he kept going. She stayed with him in the TARDIS for a while and they'd have the wildest adventures together. The Doctor and River hand in hand, against the rest of the universe. He watched her sleep every night and wished with all his hearts that she would never leave him.

Once River went back to her University, he couldn't bear to be away from her so he would visit her every night and take her out on dates. She would always ask if he could take her to see Darillium and he always said no. It was the worst day of his life when he knew he couldn't put it off any longer and he took her to see the towers. It had been a perfect evening. They lay on the grass together and listened to the voice of the towers and he did cry, just like River said he would. Then later he took her back to the TARDIS, walked her up to her front door, kissed her goodnight and left. Once he got back into the TARDIS he slid down the doors, put his face in his hands and cried. He'll never ever forget that night. He'll never forget how beautiful she looked and he'll never forget how long and hard he had cried. But taking her to Dariullium was not the hardest thing he'd ever done, the hardest thing of all was saying goodbye to her on Trenzalore. It was so hard to act like he couldn't see her when he wanted her so desperately. Finally she helped him say goodbye. She knew it would be too hard for him to tell say that he loves her so she told him how to say it. A part of him wishes he could of said it on his own but he knew it hurt him too much.

The Doctor kept her screwdriver tight to his chest as he opened her diary and started reading through all her notes and stories about the adventures they had together. He laughed as he read over Jim the Fish, Easter Islands, picnic at Asgard, Calderon Beta and so many others. Words could not describe how much he missed her because she was everything to him. She was always so brave and funny and smart and energetic and beautiful. She was his best friend and his equal, she was always there for him, always strong, always willing to put everything on the line to save him. He loved everything about her and he loved the life they had together.

After ages of reading and re-reading everything River had written in her journal he knew that he couldn't keep Clara waiting any longer. He gently closed the dairy and stroked its TARDIS blue cover. 'Goodbye River' he brought her screwdriver up to his lips and kissed it before putting it down on the journal. 'Goodbye my love'. Finally he took his old screwdriver out of his inside pocket and placed in next to hers before turning and walking back to the TARDIS.

He knew that he would never forget her and as much as it pained him to let her go he was so proud that he gave her someone that could love her forever and never leave her side. His River will be alive and happy for the rest of eternity.


	5. Chapter 5

Suddenly there was a flash of white light and he was standing in a garden. The Eleventh Doctor stood blinking, trying to take in his surroundings. His body was glowing and he felt like his head was spinning. The garden was really calm and green. He heard laughter coming from a group of archaeologists that were sitting under a tree eating a picnic. In the centre of the group was River. She looked as beautiful as ever in her long white dress.

'It worked!' The Doctor laughed ringing his hands 'it really really worked!'

'Yes it did'

He turned around to see CAL and Dr Moon smiling at him. He smiled back. He could barely contain his excitement.

'Welcome to the library data core, Doctor'

The Doctor laughed again 'thank you!' He glanced over at River sitting with her friends. He couldn't wait to see her reaction. CAL followed his gaze.

'Go to her' she whispered. His grin grew wider as ran he off to go and surprise her.

The group sitting under the tree started to stand up and hug each other goodbye before making their way to their separate homes. River walked alone with the picnic basket around her arm. The wind was blowing her hair her hair everywhere and making her cheeks turn pink. She didn't even notice the Doctor leaning against a tree as she walked past.

'Hi honey -'

She gasped and whipped around, dropping her basket in the process.

"I'm home"

'Oh my god! What sort of a time do you call this?!' She threw herself into his arms and held onto him tight. He had one hand around her waist and the other tangled up in her hair and she had both arms around his neck. They stood there for ages, locked in a close embrace. Neither one of them wanted to let go for fear of losing each other forever. He could feel her sobbing into the crook of his neck. 'Hey, it's okay Riv' he stroked the back of her head and kissed her temple. 'Did you miss me?' 'Ugh what do you think, idiot!?' She hugged him tighter, never wanting to let go.

At last they pulled away, only to out their foreheads together and stare into each other's eyes. He cupped her cheeks with his hands 'I love you' 'I love you too sweetie' he closed the space between them and kissed her softly and passionately on the lips. They smiled and laughed together when they broke apart. They were just so happy to be together again and to think they had the rest of eternity together without ageing or dying. They had missed each other so much and now they were reunited. The Doctor and River together at last, just like they should be.

Together they walked hand in hand to River's house, ready to start their brand new life together and to have new and different adventures.


End file.
